Stuck In My Head

This is what happens when you live with a brown person.
Girls' night = four hours straight of watching Bollywood movie clips. We just wanted the songs. Still have yet to finish one movie.

Anyhoot I wish I found one with English subs, it's actually quite a funny song.

I find that the state of my room often reflects the state of my inner life.

Good Bye Stella and Other Ponderings

I've been flip flopping back and forth between selling Stella and then between selling her and just parking her. What finally decided it was realizing that if I were ever to go overseas I'd eventually have to sell her so I might as well sell her now.

It was a bit sobering to follow through on the going overseas train of thought. I've always said that I'd only move out of my apartment (barring any other unforeseen incidents) if I got married or if the Lord called me overseas.

Looking ahead, marriage isn't in the foreseeable future as much as I would like it to be. I joke with my mentors that it's very obvious that God wants me to be single. Some staff women marry the first single guy that joins their team. I've been on a team with four single guys for a year and a half now. Ratio-wise I am the envy of single staff women everywhere. I joke that single staff women staff across the country are probably thinking, "What the heck is Shelly doing in Toronto? Spraying man-repellant? In case you're wondering, I rotate between Ralph Lauren- Blue, Ralph Lauren- Ralph, Tommy Hilfiger- Tommy Girl, Estee Lauder- Beautiful Love, Victoria Secret- Love Spell, and Victoria Secret- Endless Love. Avoid at your own discretion.

But I digress.

Going overseas on the other hand definitely has potential in the near future. I mean it was my initial intention in joining staff even though I didn't end up going. Nevertheless it has always been on my mind, and a possibility, but the last three years it's been more on the backburner. Now that I'm halfway done my third year in Canadian ministry, I've been slowly evaluating where I am and where God wants me to go.

Do I stay in campus ministry? This one was easy. YES.
Do I stay here in Toronto or do I move? Stay, for now at least...

Recently a friend, asked me "What do you want to do with your life?"

It caught me off guard to have the question that's been bouncing between the walls of my head verbalized and spoken out loud.

I want to reach the unreached.
I want to leave a legacy.
I want to live radically.

But I don't know how that will pan out. Is it possible to know?

Then there's that insidious fear lurking in my heart. Fear of what it will cost me. Oh, me of little faith.

Prautes

During my Day Alone With God yesterday I looked up the word "gentle"(a la Matthew 11:29, Galatians 5:23) in Greek because that is an area I am sorely lacking in.

It turns out PRAUTES means:

Meekness, expressed not in a man's outward behaviour only nor in his relations to his fellow man or his mere natural disposition, but expressed rather as an inwrought grace of the soul, first and chiefly directed towards God.

I was really surprised by the fact that's it's not our mere natural disposition which was what I was inclined to think.

It goes on to say...

That attitude of spirit in which we accept God's dealings with us as good and do not dispute or resist.

Wow. Now there's a tall order. I can't think of one instance where I've completely accepted the Lord's dealings with me without ANY dispute or resistance. There's always some whining on my part.

After some reference to Greek philosophers it finishes off with...

Prautes is not readily expressed in English since the term meekness suggests weakness, but prautes is a condition of mind and heart which demonstrates gentleness not in weakness but in power.

It is a virtue born in strength of character.

Don't you hate how a lot of things in life are easier said than done? Yeah, me too.

Words of Wisdom

"Just go watch Twilight and fall in love with some pale faced dude."

My best friend, ladies and gentlemen.

You Know There's Too Many Starbucks When...

THE PLAN: Meet B.M. for coffee before small group at Starbucks at Yonge and Eglinton at 5:30pm

Simple enough right?

Wrong.

It took me 30 minutes and running back and forth between two Starbucks multiple times to figure out there's another one around the corner where B.M.'s actually at.

So today I asked myself:

"When are you going to stop doing idiotic stuff?"

And in reply, self answered wryly:

"When His Kingdom comes."

Touche.

I'll never fully idiot-proof myself in all areas of life as much as I would like to. So I'm just going to work on outwitting the idiot in me, and doing damage control.

All that aside, thank goodness there's grace.

*Breathe of relief.*

The Plant Killer Strikes Again

So Paris, my orchid, named after Paris Hilton, yes that's right I named my plant after Paris Hilton, because she is finicky, is turning brown after one week of no water. One week! She's only suppose to be watered on a weekly basis. I've been so good all these other weeks, but after one week she goes brown on me. Not just any brown...she has to shrivel too. It's starting at the top, and it's slowly spreading down like gangrene. There goes my hopes for ending my spree as a serial plant killer. Sigh.

On the bright side, if she dies before Christmas I won't need a plant sitter......

AND I'm glad I tested my mettle before I went out and splurged on this other really exotic and expensive orchid that I saw.

So Uninspired

Have had such a lack of inspiration lately. I've been wanting to draw, paint, design, shoot, and make, but my creativity is clogged like a stuck sink. Sucks for me because I need to do artsy fartsy stuff to feel rejuvenated. Here's to hoping dancing will help tonight, and that Sleeping Beauty on Saturday will act as a creativity draino.

Five Good Things

1. Cute chubby babies and their cheeks.
(If I have kids I want REALLY CHUBBY BABIES.)
2. Peeing after holding it in for a long time in very cold weather.
(Too much information? Too late.)
3. Cooking and dancing party.
(It works. Put something on the stove, and then dance away while it cooks.)
4. Actually looking forward to going home for Christmas.
('Tis an answer to prayer.)
5. Experiencing the joy of the Lord.
(And not being depressed during the dreary winter months.)

Something Explodes

When I listen to this song, joy wells up and explodes into awe.